I can't come to the phone right now

We've all become so important that we can't be unreachable, not even for a moment. Which is why we're always on the phone. We're on the phone in the car, on the bus, on the train, in the grocery store, in the movie theater, walking down the street ... everywhere. If we're not talking, we're texting, IMing, or just plain emailing. We can't risk being out of touch. Ever.

I get it. Really I do. It's nice to be reachable, to never be out of touch.

But I draw the line at being reachable in the bathroom. The bathroom is the last bastion of unreachability. It's the place where I can get away from the world and, if the world wants me, they can bloody well wait a couple of minutes.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels this way. I've heard women answer the phone in the bathroom, which astounds me. But what I heard in the ladies' room at work on Monday completely floored me.

I was in one of the stalls when another woman walked into the bathroom, already engaged in a cellphone conversation! She proceeded into the empty stall, dropped trou, sat down, and peed — all the while keeping up her end of the conversation!! (I have to admit, I was a teensy bit impressed that she was able to do all that one-handed without dropping her phone in the toilet.)

What blew me away, though, was that it sounded like she was having a business conversation. She was talking about finalizing a contract of some sort, for cripes' sake!

I was flabbergasted. How dare she breach the sanctity of the bathroom with her phone conversation? How dare she broadcast bathroom noises during a business call? During any call?

At that moment I wickedly wished that I could muster up some righteous, rip-roaring assplosions (got that awesome word from the other Andi) that would disrupt her conversation and embarrass the hell out of her, but, try as I might, my inner "lady" wouldn't permit it.

So, unfortunately, the only recourse I had was to flush the toilet and stomp out of the bathroom. Yeah ... I'm not so sure she felt my wrath.

I'm all for multitasking and improving productivity and all that crap. But really, just how important do you have to be that you can't even take 45 seconds away from your phone to go pee?

And more important, how is it that Husband and Child can emit flatulence on command? Seriously, they don't even need to have their fingers pulled! I wonder if they'd teach me...

Because I'm thinking it might be a handy little talent to have.